In the light and shade of today’s internet, there are some who blame the world wide web for creating more relationship problems and increasing online cheating.
Whilst there is currently no clear research evidence to suggest that internet infidelity is on the rise, the rapid growth of the internet and social networking means there are more possibilities literally “at your fingertips” to cheat online. Both couple counselling organisations, and partners of those who’ve engaged in online cheating think that the internet may be playing a part in increased relationship difficulties.
As a starting point, to help couples who worry about online cheating, what it means and if it really does affect their relationship, a new website has been created by The Open University researchers and partners.
Support for those worried about online cheating
OU academics and psychology lecturers Dr Naomi Moller and Dr Andreas Vossler have joined with a number of relationship organisations to create a website which offers an informed look at online affairs.
Dr Moller said:
Our research found that there was a perception among partners of those who had cheated online that their partner may not have strayed if it wasn’t for the internet.
Dr Naomi Moller
“It is a perception only, but what we also know is that counselling organisations report that the internet, texting, Facebook etc. comes up more and more in their couple relationship work.”
Online Affairs, Information for people in relationships is designed to support couples and address the growing challenge of online affairs, offering research-informed advice and support to anyone worried about internet cheating.
The website is the result of a collaboration between researchers from The Open University (OU), Oxford University’s Internet Institute and five UK couple counselling and support organizations: Tavistock Relationships, Relate, Asian Family Counselling, Marriage Care and One Plus One.
Couples should talk about what’s acceptable online
Dr Andreas Vossler
Dr Vossler of the OU explains why the ESRC-funded website was created: “There is a lack of up-to-date, research-based information online – information that is from credible sources and which is not couched in emotional terms or which does not condemn those who engage in internet infidelity.”
Dr Moller adds that the website is not prescriptive: “We do not believe it is our role to say what types of online behaviour are right or wrong. Rather our aim is just to offer support to anyone who is worried or wants to understand the issues of internet infidelity.
“It’s important for couples to have agreements about all sorts of things. What we are saying is that this includes agreeing what is OK – or not – for partners to do online. Your partner looking at porn might not be a problem for you but if you find out that they are looking at live-streamed porn or interacting sexually with someone online you might feel differently. Equally, hanging out in chat rooms might be fine but how much chatting with strangers is OK before you start to worry? It is important to talk about this stuff because what one partner perceives as cheating, the other could think was harmless fun.
Website also a resource for professionals
Drs Vossler and Moller are involved with a knowledge-exchange project to improve the lives of couples affected by internet infidelity and assist counselling services who work in the field of couple relationships.
As well as providing information and support for the public, the new website also provides resources for professionals such as counsellors and psychotherapists on how to work with online affairs.
Relate counsellor, Dee Holmes said:
We see the impact of infidelity in the counselling room every day and were pleased to be involved in this important project to support people impacted by online affairs. Technology makes it easier than ever to cheat on your partner but also easier to get caught.
“You don’t even need to leave your own home to have an affair these days and if it did start with somebody you already knew offline the chances are you’ll use emails or instant messaging to stay in touch. This means with a click of the button a partner may stumble across every intimate detail, making the discovery feel even more painful.”
She said the website is a useful resource “for anyone who is either tempted to stray or concerned their partner is cheating online”.
