Research has shown that the majority of British adults will break their New Year’s resolution by the second week of January. What is it about the time of year that makes us more susceptible to breaking those promises to ourselves? Senior Lecturer in Psychology, Dr Meg-John Barker, explores why we set ourselves these goals, and how to let ourselves down gently if we fail to keep them.
Why do we make them in the first place?
“We make resolutions at New Year because there is a strong culture of doing so. When we are surrounded by magazine articles, TV programmes, and advertisements about resolutions, all promising the possibility of a ‘new, happier, more successful you,’ it is easy to feel like we have to join in.
“The other reason they appeal to us is that we are generally encouraged to feel there is something wrong with us that requires fixing. Consumer culture relies on us believing that we are lacking in some way in order to sell us products. We need to compare ourselves against others and find ourselves wanting, in order to believe that we need to look better, be more popular, own better gadgets, and sign up to various diets, dating sites, or gyms. Self-help books, makeover TV programmes, and women’s and men’s magazines also sell us the message that we must engage in processes of self-improvement.
New Year’s Resolutions feed us the hope that an overnight transformation might be possible on all of the things that we spend the rest of year worrying might not really be okay about ourselves.
Would we feel better about ourselves if we kept to them?
“I think we’d feel better about ourselves if we didn’t make them in the first place! Many New Year’s Resolutions come from a place of feeling sad, angry or anxious about ourselves. When we make them and break them, we end up layering further tough feelings about ourselves on top of the ones that we already have, including guilt, shame, and self-loathing.”
What would your top five tips be to help keep your resolutions?
- Don’t feel pressured to make major resolutions just because it is New Year; rather spend plenty of time thinking about things you want to change and do it when the time is right for you
- Make kind resolutions from the assumption that you are okay just as you are
- Don’t use resolutions as a stick to beat yourself with. If you lapse then it is okay; see them as useful information about why this is so tough for you
- Make the first step be about awareness. Try to understand why the change is difficult and why you want to make it so much. You need to understand yourself before you can change things
- Choosing not to make resolutions is always fine – and a good model for those around you who are inevitably struggling just as much as you are
